Walking in Somebody Else's Pants

Well I've finally crossed that final frontier (bollocks to Star Trek) I've done gone and bought underpants from an Op Shop. It was never my intention to do this...but there they were...my size, my brand...and looking very new(ish) In fact I'm wearing them now...so if you are the sort of chap who donates blue 'Underdaks' boxers (the snug fit ones) to Op Shops and you are experiencing a certain kind of thrill while reading this...then we have a connection.

Oh Bloody Hell...they weren't yours were they Mike ??

Mal Says
You can take the boy out of the country...but there is always some left under his nails.

We know who you are...

It has finally happened...I was recognised in the street.
This morning a soccer family driving past pulled up and asked if I was Mal Leonard Cohen...I think it was the Breton style tweed hat that gave it away. So be aware swingers...we are on the move...Anonymity is no longer an option.

Mal says:
Just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they're not after you.

Mike, we need to talk more

Now I hope this isn't the ladder that climbs up from the soft-fall pine bark to the top of the slippery-slope of musical differences...but we have our first dilemma. It seems i have written the words of The Trapeze Song, to the tune of The Possessive Apostrophe song. I shall have to turn to my copy of People Skills (Robert Bolton PhD) to sort this one out. Mind you Mike and I are both mature chaps, swingers become middle-aged very early. We will no doubt sit down in the hot tub with a glass of stout and a packet of Jatz, and nut it out.

More Swing v No Swing

Ian Anderson swings, but not Angry Anderson
Cape Fear with Robert Mitchum v. Cape Fear with ‘Bob’ de Niro
Meerkats v. Mere Male
Joseph Heller v. Josef Stalin
The State Cinema v. Village Cinema
Bicheno v. Orford
The Wireless v. The Radio
Russian Caravan v. Earl Grey (or worse Lady Grey !)
Espresso v. Cappuccino
Autumn (log fires, mulled wine) v. Summer (shorts and sandals)
Y-Fronts v. 7 Day packs of Briefs
Telephone Boxes v. Mobile Phones
Libraries v. Internet Cafes
Beetles / Minis v. New Beetles / New Minis


It should be pointed out that Swingers are rarely in fashion...but are always fashionable...with just a hint of yesterday's style. In the same way, things that Swing are often just behind (for behind read Ahead) of the fashion.

Swinger Spotted !!

Walking home from Art School today (a Swingers idea of an education) I saw a Gentleman of Swing. He was a little bit old, a little bit ragged...but the style !!
Blue V-Neck pullover, Blue Shirt Collar out, and HELLO ! A CRAVAT...add to this a Pork Pie hat and...a cane !! I just bet he had a pipe in his pocket, and was mindlessly humming something from der Bingle. Nice !

I like to think he may have seen something of the swinger in me...I was wearing Plaid Trews, an antique leather jacket, my Breton style 'flat' cap and shades.
Of course he might also have thought "Wanker".

Mal Says:
Muttiah Muralitharan might be a chucker...but Shane Warne is a tosser

The Name of the Swinger

Even though it has only been a few minutes since the last post, I've been in heavy ponderation about the L Cohen v. L Teale debate. Then I thoughtsed upon L. Nimoy and The Leonard, an hotel near to Marble Arch (Cohen ref there)
Is Leonard the ultimate swingers name ? Of course before I posed this question I ascertained that L Ron Hubbard was not a Leonard...he is a Lafayette (typical)
The name Leonard is symbolic of cravats, hip flasks, motoring (not driving) tweed caps (mine is in the Breton style) maybe even smoking (cigarette holders or pipes only...cigars are so 1980's)
Of course the leonine derivation suits the swinger image...the pride, the bevy of ladies...the unkempt chest hair...

Swing on

Mal says:
Chest hair is only unattractive if it is parted, or if you have bosoms (natural chest hair parters)

Mike says: (in a voice suspiciously like Mal's)
Classic motoring comes at a price

Qui sont les swingers ?

Who indeed.
Well as a style guide, The Brothers Leonard Cohen suggest the following:

Mike's Classic 70's Porsche swings...Mal's 1980 Datsun doesn't*
Anton swings...Greg does not
The Hammond Organ swings...end of story
H. H. Munro swings...Mike Munro does not do so
Bob Brown swings...Brian Green couldn't swing on a trapeze
Roger Miller swings...Kenny Rogers does not
Dave Graney swings...Dave Graney swings...
Tubby the Tuba swings...The Biggest Loser does not
By our criteria Shane Warne swings...but Shane Warne doesn't


(*although Mal's Datsun spends less time 'visiting' the mechanic)

We would be more than happy to take your submissions for both ridicule and agreement...sometimes both. For instance where do you stand on Leonard Cohen v. Leonard Teale (think cravat) or Sean Connery v. Roger Moore ? and I don't mean as James Bond (SC a clear winner there) but which one swings ? Then of course there is George Lazenby !!
Your comments please swingers.

Just put your Keys in the Bowl...

The newest work from the Brothers tells the tragic story of an abandoned love between Trapeze Artists, and lets face it, the Trapeze encapsulates everything it means to be a swinger: voyuerism, danger and body hugging lycra.

The Trapeze Song (work in progress)

I’m in freefall and I’m flying
Why weren’t you there to catch me now I’m dying
As I’m falling, memories calling
A safety net, a safety vest what’s the point there’s nothing left

And now there’s you, where will you find another fall guy like me
And there’s you runnin’ around with that circus clown

Under the big top there’s no one to claim you
Under the big top there’s nothing to save you

I’m in freefall and I’m crying
But like the tears upon a clown they’re quickly drying
What a show to see what a performance
The game of high trapeze the highs are great the lows will kill you

©LeonardCohenBrothers 2006

Mike Says:
Brett Whitely swings...Pro Hart does not

I Have Heard the Future...

...and it is The Leonard Cohen Brothers. Mike dropped off the newest tunes he is tweeking, and I am very excited. As Mike would say they swing like a nun on holiday. Mike can talk a little racy at times...he grew up on the land you understand.

Songs on the go include; The Wolf Song, The Stalker Song and The Swingers Song...so far a total of seven tracks...Swingers, we have just left the Democratic Republic of Extended Play and are due to land in the United States of Long Play, please have your passports ready...and prepare to be searched.

Mal's Thought for the Day:
That light at the end of the tunnel might just be an oncoming train.

Sunday Morning Coming Down

Sunday has been a day of home brand Domestos and ersatz-crab quiche in the Mal Leonard-Cohen household (that be cleaning and eating)
No time yet for some chilling sounds from a system made by a company that also makes earth-moving equipment, Mitsubishi.

Mal On Real Estate:
It's not where you live, but how you live.
(But that's still no reason to live north of the Flannelette Curtain)


PMM Real Estate
South Hobart - Turn of Century Classic
4 + Bedrooms
Workshop
Off Street Parking
Pulsating Backyard

Is South Hobart built on a fault line then?

from The Mercury Real Estate guide August 18

Pictures of Lily

Here's a pic from an emerging photomaker...Ms Melanie Breen
...it's here because the subject is close to my heart...and because she takes fecking good pics! Check www.noise.net or whatever.

Where are you Mike ?

Hey Mike! It's our first post...where the hell are you ??


Oh well, must press on.

Welcome to the Carnival of Flesh that is The Leonard Cohen Brothers. Let us take you from your world of mundanity and dullness, and transport you to a world of coolism. So gird your loins with some form of animal hide...sharpen your knife and tuck in !!

The Oil Song

If I was the only guy in the world
and you were the only girl
I'd dig you a hole five miles deep
and give you all the oil

Like Caltex and Castrol
my love is like petrol
Like Mobil and Ampol
why not have yourself a tankful
Like BP, like Liberty
my love will set you free
Like Penzoil and Agip
it's time to get a grip

(spoken with cigarette)

Well the world relies on fossil fuels, and that, well that's not so good
We must explore alternative avenues to our reliance on petrochemicals
And you and I? Well we're just like one big multinational
No Borders
No Trade Barriers
One World
One Life
One Love

...peace

©leonardcohenbrothers2006